Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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