I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My bed smells like the plague
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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