im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
