sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
