If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
