He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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