when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
