butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
