I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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