U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
