apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
