you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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