id be glad to
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
