Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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