does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
