can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
