You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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