walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
