we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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