I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
