i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
