I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
