he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This baby is an asshole
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
