you traded sex for a burrito?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My vagina is officially offended.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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