new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
