Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
