The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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