you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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