There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
