yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
