4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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