somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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