omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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