yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
