she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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