I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
