Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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