The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
