I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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