Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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