Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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