yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
