I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
