She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
