Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
