Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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