the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
