Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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