the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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