Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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